mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
