He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
