bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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