I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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