Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
