I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Girls should come with a carfax report
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
