yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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