just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
