I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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