Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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