I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
