I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We have started to decorate penises.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
