He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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