Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
