wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
