Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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