I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
