So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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