I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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