I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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