xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
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Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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