There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I need moral support for this bender
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
