All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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