she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's shark week go big or go home
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
