you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
