So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
