I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
