Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
