her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
