You just made me feel so damn special
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Just high enough for therapy.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
