So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
