When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
