3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
