dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
