you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
