she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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