I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
