He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
