Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
