Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He kissed a someone with a penis
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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