I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
