Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I need to sanitize my soul.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
