How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
