A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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