the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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