susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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