Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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