I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
