I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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