i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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