I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
