he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
