I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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