is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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