so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
