WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
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She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her