Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳