I should be sponsored by Trojan
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.