Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.