Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?