I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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