is your mom at the bar?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
