it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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