I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
