you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
