All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
