I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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