I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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