Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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