He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm really busy with my period
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