chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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