the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
