my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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