why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I need a burrito and a hug.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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