I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Randomize
