Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
