Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
