Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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