yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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