I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
