the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
