Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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