I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
