What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
